Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Oh if I could, if I could I'd paint these walls crimson red It's been to long, I've grown too tired. I'm fed up, and have been for a while, anyone reading what I've written would know this, but this fatigue in my head really does make me wish they were dead. I have no family, I have only friends to consider that. There is no one but me in this universe, a lone walker, drifting to insanity, waiting for the day when he grows the balls to actually leave or pull the trigger. If I could, if I could I'd paint these walls with a fresh coat Have you ever gotten to the point where you wanted to beat the living life out of someone? Literally lose your mind on someone and beat them until your fists are full of blood from their mangled face? I wish I could, I've been pushed to that point on so many levels and I don't even know any more. I've suppressed my emotion of anger for so long by just hiding from everyone, basically deleting them from my life and pretending they exist. The fast hi's and bye's but no real conversation...even if one would happen to happen, I'm sure no words would be understood and it would lead to an opinion based war of who's right and who's wrong. I've grown into my own monster I've grown into my own beast A walking Frankenstein Wolfman ready to be put to sleep. I've become hateful and bitter, I've become selfish and rotten, I've become solitary and restless. All I want is to have these people gone, All I want is to disappear myself. Oh if I could, if I could I'd paint these fucking walls with the blood of the rapist.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Oh what it would be, to be still fifteen. All those memories seemed to haunt me, regret followed them around as I realised how ridiculous all the things I had done and said were. Not even a year later I see anything I had done as a bad thing. No matter how embarrassing or immature anything I had done was. I remember this time back in grade 7, I didn't have many friends during the school year, but when I went to summer school I found some buddies that introduced me to music. We used to jam in front of the school or on the second level of a parking garage that wasn't used at the mall, going there almost everyday together. Hell, the ridiculous adventures I had gone through with these guys had to have been the most exciting and adventurous time of my life. Now, fast forward not even five years, and see that out of all the people I've met in my young adolescence, these guys and I still jam but in bands and in studios. I know it doesn't seem long five years, but it feels like my whole life, and life itself had altered. Perspectives changing, ideas flowing, so much change in no time at all. My feels completely different as if I went from being a child to an adult. As I read what my past self had written, I see dark places yet...standard places. There's always some kid in your grade growing up who's "darker" than most. And in this assimilation becomes a philosophy! A theory that I've created, that every single human being is the same. A duplicate of one another. People say reincarnation but what do they REALLY mean by that? Now dont start thinking that this is going to become one of those entertaining theory mystery shows, but just a philosophical clockwork that my mind had created. Every human lives through experiences, generally the same. Even though choices are made throughout a humans life such as...ah never mind. My mind rambles and my body yearns for rest. Forget my ghostly thoughts. Mike-