Done

I'm done, finally out of serious depression, have somewhat control of my life and make my own decisions. I came by to say what I believe the world should look like. - no countries, world wide unity. - no currency, work with trade, if you want something make it, or trade something for it. - no guns, who do we need to protect ourselves from if everyone is united? - no police, why would we need one? no money, no guns, what do we need protection from? a knife? 10 citizens vs. 1 attacker wins. - no entertainment, tv, celebrities, high budget movies that involve people that the whole world knows. (no one should be well known, unless you've already met them) - no news, no need for it. there wont be any wars, nothing foreign to talk about, want local news? talk to local people. - legal drugs, there wont be currency so wars will not happen. if people choose to steal drugs instead of produce them themselves, then a search party will be dispatched. Fuck COPS! Common fucking people, standing together!!@@!! If junkies want their junk they got to find all their shit, or grow it. trade for it, whatever. - no homeless, if we have enough trees and other resources to make millions and millions of pieces of paper, cardboard boxes whatever, we have enough to have everyone under a roof with running water and heating. - electricity and water will NOT be a job, but a volunteering task. Those who dedicate their lives to others receive compensation by general public. - No leaders! Work as community, not as legion! We need not someone to lead our heard and tell us to do shit for them. Do things for yourself and the people you love. - Whatever work that will be done will be done in group, non paid, and non profit. But ALSO be self run. If you want to make clothing and get goods through that. Then by all means, find vacant space within the your home create the goods, and then trade them on the street. - no labourers, no workers, no employees, people do things under free will, you are the boss of no one and no one is the boss of you. - nothing is necessary unless its something for the bare minimal of living conditions (housing, food, water) - food will be produced by you or farmers who also volunteer to support themselves and the general public. - no rent - only "leader" is the mayor of the town, or city, and the only thing he really does is address issues in which everyone can work together to fix. - free education (teachers are volunteers) general rule: if you want to do something, a profession you think you would enjoy, not for the money but for the content. Then do it, you are it, that's your trade. This is not de-evolution, this IS evolution! Our society forces people to be silent, and talk to no one, work only with the ones who'd had the same job as well. No communication, no real team effort, due to people don't really give a fuck about their jobs, or their co-workers. Its all about the dough, how big of a house you got, nice car, big dick, banging broad. (or vice versa) This is bringing humans back to the state of humanity, the state of living beings and not machines. I call it, Careatarian because the only thing this system makes you do, is care. For the people in your neighbourhood, for the grocers, the tailors, the chefs, everyone! You need everyone to live, because without them there is nothing else. Fuck this society, fuck these rulers, fuck me, and fuck you.

Here I am

Here I am sitting in my room, waiting...for what? I don't even know, but I am. Waiting for a new day, waiting for a new moment, even though I already know tomorrow will be just the same as today. Let's not be nihilistic! I might meet new faces, or bump into some of the old, but hey. Down to the backbone of tomorrow, I'm going to work, from 10 to 4 like every other sunday. I'm going to sweep, mop, prepare peppers and cheese, bake bread, and clean + restock a bar. This a routine I've been undergoing for a while. It's not bad, I'm not complaining about my job. Personally I don't find it that challenging and as boring as that is, I don't mind it. I'm just pointing out the facts that tomorrow, will be like every other sunday I've spent at this restaurant. I find that it's like that with everything; school, home, even going places with public transport. Even though there is something new happening every time it still feels just as bland as it ever did. It makes me wonder though..."Why?" Why must our lives all rotate around the same lifestyle. Unless you're clinically insane or homeless. When you have a generally "normal" life you do the same stuff. Even going out with the people you like seems to get generic after a while. Why couldn't life be a new adventure every day? This question scares me, and my mind seems to already find it ridiculous. I don't know why, but it does, and I'm sure yours does too. Think to yourself; Tomorrow, you wont go into work, without telling your boss. But you will drive to a place you used to go to a child, and you'll do what you did there are a child. Whether it's play soccer, or fly a kite. Forget about the adult world and just live like you used to, happy go lucky, and not a care in the world. If you have the guts, do it, leave or send me a message telling me how it went. As for me...I have a cardboard cut out future to maintain and create, and fear seems to always have me on edge.

Blood of the Rapist

Oh if I could, if I could I'd paint these walls crimson red It's been to long, I've grown too tired. I'm fed up, and have been for a while, anyone reading what I've written would know this, but this fatigue in my head really does make me wish they were dead. I have no family, I have only friends to consider that. There is no one but me in this universe, a lone walker, drifting to insanity, waiting for the day when he grows the balls to actually leave or pull the trigger. If I could, if I could I'd paint these walls with a fresh coat Have you ever gotten to the point where you wanted to beat the living life out of someone? Literally lose your mind on someone and beat them until your fists are full of blood from their mangled face? I wish I could, I've been pushed to that point on so many levels and I don't even know any more. I've suppressed my emotion of anger for so long by just hiding from everyone, basically deleting them from my life and pretending they exist. The fast hi's and bye's but no real conversation...even if one would happen to happen, I'm sure no words would be understood and it would lead to an opinion based war of who's right and who's wrong. I've grown into my own monster I've grown into my own beast A walking Frankenstein Wolfman ready to be put to sleep. I've become hateful and bitter, I've become selfish and rotten, I've become solitary and restless. All I want is to have these people gone, All I want is to disappear myself. Oh if I could, if I could I'd paint these fucking walls with the blood of the rapist.

Time

Oh what it would be, to be still fifteen. All those memories seemed to haunt me, regret followed them around as I realised how ridiculous all the things I had done and said were. Not even a year later I see anything I had done as a bad thing. No matter how embarrassing or immature anything I had done was. I remember this time back in grade 7, I didn't have many friends during the school year, but when I went to summer school I found some buddies that introduced me to music. We used to jam in front of the school or on the second level of a parking garage that wasn't used at the mall, going there almost everyday together. Hell, the ridiculous adventures I had gone through with these guys had to have been the most exciting and adventurous time of my life. Now, fast forward not even five years, and see that out of all the people I've met in my young adolescence, these guys and I still jam but in bands and in studios. I know it doesn't seem long five years, but it feels like my whole life, and life itself had altered. Perspectives changing, ideas flowing, so much change in no time at all. My feels completely different as if I went from being a child to an adult. As I read what my past self had written, I see dark places yet...standard places. There's always some kid in your grade growing up who's "darker" than most. And in this assimilation becomes a philosophy! A theory that I've created, that every single human being is the same. A duplicate of one another. People say reincarnation but what do they REALLY mean by that? Now dont start thinking that this is going to become one of those entertaining theory mystery shows, but just a philosophical clockwork that my mind had created. Every human lives through experiences, generally the same. Even though choices are made throughout a humans life such as...ah never mind. My mind rambles and my body yearns for rest. Forget my ghostly thoughts. Mike-

The State of Why

People ask why I smoke, People ask why I do drugs, People ask why I drink, Why do I obsess myself with these forms of entertainment that prohibit me from being "myself". Well, let me answer this mind boggling question as honestly as I can. I seem to have this concept of man in my head. How man is not truly man at the state that is. Man is bewildered by what it's created. It's created itself, as it is today. What's on TV, what's on the airwaves, what's in our schools, what our politicians are saying. It all dawned on our old cave wondering relative, it all became his cause. The science we've put into it, the progression we have made...for what? People have become selfish, greedy, hateful things. No longer is every man entitled to life, but every man is entitled to a chance at creating his life. Life is the basic action, of living. What does it take to be living? Shelter, nutrition, and socialization. Yet what have we become? Slaving, to acquire manufactured currency, to buy bullshit products made cheap and sold expensive. Why? What for? Everyone seems to have a new itch to be scratched all the time, hardly anybody can just see the good and enjoy. Now, you may be thinking that's highly hypocritical of me to say that, due to I complain, and dislike so many things. But that doesn't mean I don't see the beauty in life, I just don't know how you're supposed to obtain it. "But it means something different to everyone else." The only reason it does is because we've been told it has. There's no physical proof of "the good in life" you have to find it yourself. Yet recently the only thing people have been able to find is; parties, celebrities who know they're better than everyone else, and being the best guy at the party. And that last point brings me to my next one. The reason why everyone is the way they are. The reason why everyone is so materialistic, and self obsessed. Is because that's their true happiness. To be surrounded with material goods that others have yet to posses. For example: Jim pre ordered the Iphone 5, his friend Mat wishes he did, he only has an Iphone 4S. Now, let's analyse this. The reason Jim may be buying this new product could be for it's technological advances and modernisation, the subconscious reason is because; the NEW Iphone is what everyone wants, not everyone has it yet, Jim wants to be one of the first so that everyone runs to him asking to see it/use it. Mat on the other hand wants to upgrade his phone so that he too can attract a community to take liking to him due to this product. Products control humans in the sense that without what's "in", you're definitely not and people will take a disliking to you. Or you wont fit in as well. Which will make you feel unhappy. I don't see the point in having the newest model, or wearing people or company names across my body. I have no one to impress, I have no judges. People can't have their opinion on me and the way I am, which is fine. But I show no interest in it. Food, one of the most important and best tasting things in our lives. Has become more of a "gasoline for humans" rather than a tasty refreshment. We ate food not only because we need it to live, but to savour the flavours and textures. Lately, people, and even I myself have been consuming food to keep themselves going. Just to give them that extra push they need for them to complete the rest of their day. No one takes the time to just look at the sun, or the trees, people listen to their music on the go just so that the city sounds don't bring them more down than they already are. I smoke because I can't be high all the time. Because no matter what I believe, no matter how shitty I think our ways have become, I still have to make due. The smart way, so that I, and the people I LOVE can make the best of it. I do drugs, so I can escape this painted picture of happiness. So I can take off the smiley face that's been taped to my mouth. So that I can actually FEEL for once. I drink, to forget. To forget about boundaries and laws. To forget about stupidity, by becoming the stupid. It's my one way ticket to being retarded, just so even I, the one that rejects our way of life, can fit in. So I too, can get the inside joke everyone is laughing about, and all I'm getting is the quiet snickering. I am no different from you, or anyone else. I am human. I enjoy, I hate, I cry, I lose my temper, I take dumps and piss as I please. Except I see what everyone has so much trouble seeing. And that's one the hardest things to ever live with...

It would be nice.

I miss being angry all the time I hate giving a shit about people or things I wish I could not give a fuck still, Just throw all my shit around, piss in the corner, and light some crack whore on fire I miss it. I miss being free. I miss being pissed, and writing music because I'm pissed. Now I just accept everything the way it is. And go forth with this pathetic ant life. I wish I could watch the world end. -- Things aren't the same any more. Things have changed. I've gotten a job, a big step I guess..It's not that hard of a task, a lot of manual labour, but it's better than being stuck behind a desk, gazing into a screen. Making money feels good, anyone could agree with me on that. Seeing those digits go from two, to three, to four. It's a beautiful sight. Although... I can't seem to think things through. Its been a while since I've last visited here. Sometimes in June I think it was, although I left a message about how I don't feel human any more. Just a machine going, doing his daily routine, and then closing it's eyes and recharging. I still feel that, feels like shit, but I guess this is how it's supposed to be...right? I haven't seem to see it any other way, no one really talks about how they personally feel. Everyone I work with or know, even if I can consider them a friends, has vaguely or not told me about how they feel as a human being. I feel like a computer processing thoughts, and a meat machine, keeping it'self alive through survival, which now a days, is going to work, making money, and feeding yourself. (Even though people abuse that) As much as it feels good not to be so pissed off at everything all the time I somewhat miss it. I used to be pissed at everything and everyone, didn't need anyone's help or guidance, I was on my own. Whenever I felt down I smoked grass and felt better. Even if it made me feel numb to the world around me, it felt good to feel numb. I feel too much now. I worry, I get upset or angry at things that people do. I used to not care, about anything! What happened? I can't lie when I say I really do want to see the world end. I want to see what people do. Will they come together? Or fall farther apart? Even though I'd like to see it, that's something I can say I don't care about. That's another thing! Everyone doesn't care about the same shit. It's as if we're forced to not give a fuck about certain things and then get super crazy touched and emotional (or offended) by others. That's where my little rebel still lives. In my music. I still write about getting fucked up, drugged, drunk, raped, whatever. Even though I don't get as fucked up as I used to, and I think rape is terrible. Why do I do it then? Have I sold out? Do I just do it to get attention and have my music sell? NO. Get attention maybe, but I want people to know that it's okay to talk about certain things even if it's not something agreeable, let people know that it's out there, it's real. Not some awareness shit but.....ahh..whatever. Look at me rambling. I guess this is my nervous tick, get anxious or whatever and come here to write. It's what I've always done, probably all I will do until my body decides to shut down on me. I'm overtired, overworked, malnourished, and am not ready for the slightest change for the worse in my life. I can't take shit any more. I've become one of them, I've become the machine.

Going blind.

I seem to be going blind. Well not actually. I'm writing this whole thing a little too far from the screen and I'm not wearing my glasses or contacts. This blog post has no topic, no specifics, just me writing, for the sake of writing. So, I've come to feel that I dont feel. A depersonalized figure that waltzs around until some sort of end comes too him. Let me tell you, it's pretty shitty. I dont even know whats going on right now. All I know is that I want to be where I am, because of a sense of comfort and a sense of knowing that the person I am with is still the person I wish to remain with. The one line that stuck out to me was: "It's completely irrelevant once written." And it's so true. Once something is written it is comepletely useless. The thought in your mind is dead, a dead dream that once was. Nothing is relevant. I miss you, and I dont know whay I just wrote that...fuck...I wasn't even looking at the screen when that came out and it was folloed by a "woah" Ps: I cheated I read the screen abit, typos really do piss me off on easy words. I feel as if I cant get to you anymnore. because of the fact that Icant get to myself. My mind works like a charm it writes, it reads, it intakes input, but gives no emotion. Could it be that I have become the machine I was always against? I have finally become the robot I was sworn never to become. I can't sleep well, I dont sleep. I just lie, with my eyes close and recharge llike a fuckjing cellphone. I can't really understand the difference between life and death. death is eternal rest. and life is just blind minded walking. and It's true, I'm in the juice. I don't know, I don't know. aybe it's cause I'm over tired and havent slept properly in months, maybe it's cause I'm sad, and all of this shit is just getting to me. Or maybe it's because my mind has taken over, and my emotions have all died. I'm scared...really scared. That's the only thing I feel, it's fear. I need help, but the only one who can...is myself. -Mike